Dave and Jilly Discuss – Xanthe, Virginiaflame, Crockmister & Virtualhandband.

Back for contractual reasons, Kitsch Dave and jobbing wine critic Jilly Goolden return for yet more late night music and chat as only they can.

Voiceover Guy – Welcome to Dave and Jilly Discuss. Here are your hosts Quiche Dave and Jiily Gooooldeeeen!
Kitsch Dave – Hello and welcome to the show. Hello Jilly. Great to see you again…
Jilly Goolden – hello Dave. Why do they keep bringing this show back?
KD – I owe the producers money.
JG – Who’s this spiky haired chap stroking my thigh?
KD – It’s top TV chef Gary Rhodes.
JG – Hello Gary. Kindly remove your hand from my thigh.
Gary Rhodes – Look at that! Is that a radiogram?
KD – Yes. We use it to play music.
JG – Here we go again. Where’s the grog?
GR – Music, wine, great conversation… This would make a great TV show.
JG - <<rolls eyes>> Who’s on the radiogram tonight then Dave?
KD - <<reaching for an early bottle of Gold Label>> We have the lovely Xanthe with a new track called ‘If’, Virginiaflame with ‘Rhythmating’, Crockmister with ‘The Girl with Half Open Arms’ and Virtualhandband with ‘Dramatique’.
GR – Who are these people? I’ve never heard of any of them. Ooo is that Babycham I see over there?
JG - You make Atomic Kitten sound clever.

KD – OK then, this is Xanthe and ‘If’. What do you think?
JG – Wow! She’s come on leaps and bounds hasn’t she? This is beautiful. It’s very Craig Armstrong isn’t it…?
GR – Not exactly driving music though.
KD – It’s gonna be a long night. This song moves me in so many ways. The music alone brings a lump to my throat. The lyrics finish me off.
JG – I know what you mean. Both elements are powerful; together they are just, just, breath taking.
GR – Phantom Of The Paradise.
KD – The film?
GR – Yeah. Remember that song at the end. This has a similar feel. It’s epic. It’s sung from the heart.
JG – The drums at the end are very My Life Story.
KD – Very much so. They are simply perfect for this track. Everything builds and builds and the emotions get stronger and stronger. If the ending didn’t have such a dramatic ending I’d be disappointed.
GR – Do you not feel it’s a bit OTT?
KD – Yes and no. On paper it is OTT, but in the context of the track it fits perfectly. I don’t think I could love this song more than I do.

GR – Who’s next?
JG – That’s my line!
KD – Next up is Virginiaflame.
GR – What’s her name? Virginia Plane.
JG – Oh very funny. I’m liking this. Who is this Virginiaflame person?
KD – She’s a singer songwriter from Australia. I only discovered her a couple of months ago. This is great though.
GR – Is it Jazz?
JG – Does it matter?
GR – No. She has the most fabulous voice. It’s sweet yet powerful. I’m getting tingles.
JG – Not off me you ain’t!
KD – Don’t look at me. I’m not that desperate…
GR – Tingles down my back. This is so, so, so. How do you describe this?
JG – I’m getting the whiff of a smoky club. The mix is eclectic. Cool Jazz cats mingle with the wall hugging Trip Hop crew. The DJ seems to be choosing records at random, yet everything blends together seamlessly.
GR – Wow! I couldn’t have put it better myself.
KD – I’m sure given the chance you’d try…
JG - <<Opening third bottle of wine>> Snigger.
KD – If I were to draw comparisons, the obvious ones would be Morcheeba and Portishead. But I can hear the likes of Alpha and Lamb in here. This sounds like my record collection. Apart from the scat bit. I don’t have anything by Cleo Laine.
JG – Good job too. There’s a time and place for those sort of things.

JG – I seem to recall the name Crockmister – where do I know that name from?
KD – You may remember a track by Youth last show – Quiet Corners. He did the vocals on that.
JG – That’s it. What’s this one called again?
KD – The Girl With Half Opened Arms.
GR – Nice title.
JG – His voice is quite sexy. Is he single?
KD – Jilly! Do you ever stop?
JG – It’s the wine. Makes me come over all unnecessary.
GR - <<Moving Closer>> Really?
JG – In your dreams spiky. When are you going to change that stupid hair style of yours? It was naff in the 80’s and is totally ridiculous now.
GR – Oh and a bubble perm is cool?
JG – On you it would be an improvement.
KD – Which one of the two versions do we prefer?
GR – There’s two versions?
KD – Yes. I’m going for the slower one. The croaky voice does it for me.
JG – But the faster one is quite fun.
GR – I can’t decide. Both have their merits. The electric guitar in the faster one is really good. But yeah, the vocals on the slower one are fabulous.
JG – That guitar you mentioned was a bit Robert Fripp.
GR – Yeah. Oh this is hard. Why did you have to choose this one to review?
KD – I liked the title.
JG – Oh.
KD – I’m still swaying towards the slower version. I like the fragility of it.
JG – Fragility? Is there such a word?
GR – Do you two ever agree on anything?

KD – I can think of one thing we do <<mumbles>> you’re a prat.
JG – Quite. Bring on the Virtualhandband.
GR – Well I never!
JG – Who are this Virtualhandband?
KD – I know nothing about them apart from their passion for 70’s music library music.
JG – And you chose to review them on that basis?
KD – Yeah.
JG – And your thoughts?
KD – I’m not too sure. I’m a little disappointed that it’s not a homage to music libraries of old, but it’s growing on me the more I listen to it.
GR – Sounds like a TV theme tune, or music from a film. Have I really drank 12 bottles of Babycham?
KD – Yes you have. I see where you’re coming from. I’m getting a detective show. Hard as nails cops.
JG - <<slurring>> Ooo. Gimme some of them. Who put the telly on?
GR - <<putting hand on Jilly’s thigh again>> It’s not the telly – it’s Virtualhandband.
JG – I’m liking this!
KD – The music or the slimy chef groping you in an inappropriate manner?
JG – Both. This is quite sexy music, the way it starts all slow and builds up to a huge climax. I feel funny.
GR – I don’t know if it’s the Babycham but you look super sexy tonight Jilly.
KD – Well I’m terribly impressed with what I’ve heard so far from Virtualhandband. This is great soundtrack music and I’m gonna be keeping an eye out for more.
GR – You know, this is a classic thigh. It’s firm and smooth and fish net clad. But I’m gonna make it better by adding a little touch of my own…
KD – Will you two get a room!

Jump cut to credits. Quick!