Kitsch Dave – Hello and welcome back! Joining Jilly and my self in the front room this week are non other than scouce minxes… err minxi… erm, those scouse <<cough>> singers ATOMIC KITTEN!

Atomic Kitten - (in unison) Hiya! Hiya Dave! Hiya Jilly!

Jilly Goolden – Hello you lot. Who are you and what do you do?

AK – (in unison) We’re Atomic Kitten and we sing and dance.

KD – They’re the new pop sensations. How’s the new album coming along girls?

AK – (to each other) What’s an album? Does he mean a CD? I don’t know, yous ask him. I’m not asking, I’ll look thick…

JG – (to no-one in particular) ThickER you mean…

KD – Yes girls, sorry I forgot you’ve never seen an LP before. How’s your new CD coming along? Any new tracks to tell us about?

AK #1 (they all look the same to me, and I forgot to ask their names – not that I was interested anyhow…) Yeah, we’ve been doing a new version of Temple Of Love. It’s really greace like.

JG – What? The old Sisters track???

AK #2 – We’ve made it more pop tho, like. That other version was so gloomy.

AK #3 – Ours is greace now. What do yous think?

AK #1 & #2 – Its greace!

KD – Back to OUR music now. On the radiogram this week are Peeps & Co with a track called Slow Burn and The Dead Company with Cold Dark Water. Let’s listen to Peeps & Co first…

JG – Ooo. Arh yes, your period of flying solo. I knew that wouldn’t last. I do like this one though! Is Peeps the one who got us our second series?

KD – Yes indeed, the very same. It was her heartfelt plea that got us back together… This is a track with Ffabbia from The Delivery System. The second version features Slippy T on vocal duties.

AK - <<look confused>>

KD - <<hands out bottled refreshments>> Have a complimentary drink girls, Jilly.

Jilly – Ooo. Watermelon Breezer! Why?

KD – The producers didn’t like the fighting when you were sober. It’s also a joke about a song in my back catalogue?

AK – (in unison) Ta mucker! Did you do a song called bacardi?

KD – <<shaking head>> This is the version with Slippy on vocals.

AK #1 – This is weird.

KD – What? The music.

AK #2 – No. Coming here, sitting in your front room talking about music and drinking.

JG – It’s a music review show!

AK #3 – Yer mean we have to have an opinion like?

KD – That would come in handy, darling.

AK - <<look confused>>

JG – This is a good track. The vocals have a very distant feel to them, the double tracking is used to great effect. It reminds me of someone though. Can’t put me finger on it though…

AK - <<look confused>>

JG – Gary Clail!

KD – Of course! That rap in Human Nature! It’s also got a kinda Karmacoma vibe going on…

JG – Not so much in the music though. Just with the rap. It’s quite nervous.

KD - Fragile almost. The strings that Ffabbia added work really well.

AK - <<look confused>>

KD – Shall we move on to The Dead Company?

AK – (in unison) The Dead Company!? Arh go-ay. Yer pullin' me leg!

KD – No, This is The Dead Company. It’s the first thing I’ve heard by them. This is bizarre!

JG – I know! Practically ambient.

AK – (in unison) Arh go-ah! This is a joke? This isn’t music!

KD – Why ever not?

AK #1 – You can’t dance to this! How could we do our dancing on stage if we made this?

JG – There’s more to music than catchy rhythms and dance routines.

AK - <<look confused>> But yer can’t dance to this…

KD – <<ignoring the Kittens>> This one has me thinking about Japan and David Sylvian,

AK #2 – We’re really big in Japan! They love us there!

JG – Wrong Japan. I’m also getting Brian Eno. But more David Sylvian. The instrumental part of Gone To Earth, or his stuff with Holger Czukay.

AK – (in unison – they do this a lot!) Japan’s a country! We’re really big over there! Did we tell you that?

KD – Quite. I can see that as well. I was thinking about what they started with Ghosts, that minimal electronic stuff that they continued with Rain Tree Crow…

AK #2 – Ha ha ha. I get it now. The Dead Company! Ghosts! That’s funny!

AK #3 – Aye yous! It was my turn to talk.

KD – Christ on a bike! How are we expected to review serious music with you lot here?

JG – I know what you mean. Pub?

KD – Too right. What about these three?

JG – Leave ‘em here. They’re too thick to realise we’ve gone…

Fade to black. Roll end Credits

Voice Over Guy – Come back next week when Dave and Jilly will attempt to review more of your music. Oi! Get us a pint o’best while your goin’…