Voice-over Guy – Yes, that’s right! Back once again, not by popular demand… more a scheduling error… Here are your hosts Quiche Daave and Jilly Gooooooldeeeeen!

Kitsch Dave – Yep, that’s right. Due to an unforeseen scheduling error we’ve got another show to do. Alas, this means that Atomic Kitten can’t be with us tonight as they are busy trying to decide which track they can ruin next (rumour has it that it is a close call between “So What” by The Anti-Nowhere League and “Temple Of Love” By The Sisters Of Mercy), but boy have we got a special guest for you!

Jilly Goolden – Not that despicable creature from last week I hope…

KD – Oh no! Much better. Ooo, this is like ‘This Is Your Life’, it’s your old friend and colleague Oz Clarke!

Oz Clarke – Hello Dave! Jilly…

JG - <<reaches for her hip flask>> Oh sweet Jesus. Hi Oz darling! How have you been? Not seen you since you went to live in Worrel Thompson’s closet, sorry, shed.

OC – Oh, don’t worry about me, or the fact that the show fell apart after you left. There are plenty of new branches of Bargain Booze opening, so I’m OK for work…

KD - <<looking nervous>> Can we get back to the music now? Tonight we are listening to The Delivery System with Mezzer and a track called Criminal Damage, and that Gilmore chap again, this time with a remix of a track called Back To You.

JG - <<not even trying to hide the hip flask>> Yeah, whatever. Who’s this Delivery System lot then?

KD – They consist of main protagonist Ffabbia, and some floating members. This track is a collaboration with Mezzer. What do we think?

OC – This is really rather nice! Subtle hip-hop beats and a broody vocal.

KD – Yeah. It’s kind of understated. None of the instruments overpower each other. They leave a nice base for the vocals.

OC – Oh I agree. The interplay between the gentle guitars, keys and the strings if great.

JG - <<clearly looking left out>> I’d say this was a rich Claret with a surprise in every mouthful.

OC – Oh good God no! This is a light refreshing white. It’s light, but packed with flavour. Your mouth is awash with sensations, yet no single element overpowers the others.

JG – I think you’ll find Mr Clarke, that this is a Claret. The flavours are full and explode in your ears. One mouth full is never enough. You want that sensation over and over. This is a Claret I tell you!

OC – Don’t even get me started on you and your ‘mouth fulls’! I’ve seen the graffiti in the toilets of Pebble Mill studio one!

KD – Can we get back to the music. That is what we’re here for.

JG – OK then. What’s Gilmore got up his sleeve this time?

KD – It’s a remix of a song called “Back To You”

JG – Who did the original?

KD – I’ve forgotten.

JG - <<emptying the hip flask>> Buurp! Oh you’re no good! Who did the original Oz?

OC – Beats me. It’s very funky though. I like the pounding bass. And oh! Those vocals!

KD – I know what you mean. That bass line just pounds away like a jackhammer, yet the vocals sit on top with such ease!

JG - <<giggling wildly>> Did I ever tell you the story of when I borrowed a jackhammer?

OC – Was that the time the spin dryer broke?

JG – Yeah. NO! NO!

KD – So what do we think about the track?

OC – It lacks a middle bit.

KD – Jilly? Any thoughts?

JG – Mmmm mmmm mmm. I’m in Boots Bar at midnight. The music is pounding and the air is hot and steamy. I can’t stop dancing. I’m waving my arms above my head and touching all the bare-chested men…

OC – No, it’s more like Maxime’s on a Saturday. The girls are wearing next to nothing and rubbing themselves against my Pringle sweater. It’s hot! Hot! Hot! And there’s glitter in the air!

JG – No! This is sleazy!

OC – No it’s glitter!

JG – Sleaze!

OC – Glitter!

JG – Traitor!

OC – Deserter!

KD – Whatever. Join us next time; if indeed there will be a next time, for more music and chat.

<<end credits and fade>>